My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize