Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
