and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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