I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
