watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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