he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
