is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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