i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
