well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
