I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
