no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
