her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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