i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
