Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
two words: eviction party
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
