It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize