critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize