did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
