I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
