oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
