i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
