dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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