You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
