I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
