At least make sure they are 18
Why
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
