So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
