my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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