I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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