I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i may or may not be watching the land before time
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
