I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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