Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
