the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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