no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
