I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
