why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
