I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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