what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
