His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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