there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
