She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
