Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
