I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
