it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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