I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
