Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
