I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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