The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
