first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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