literally had 100 drinks last night.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
