And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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