He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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