I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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