I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
