i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
