New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to calm my uterus...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
