It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
