we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
