dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize