i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Randomize
