I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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