after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
