I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
