You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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