u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
