Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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