i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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