I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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