fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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