There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize