I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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