Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My feet surprised me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
