One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
