they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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