so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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