This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
