I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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