I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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