There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
