Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
