By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
