Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
