Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
