My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize