The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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