You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
