Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
