Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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