from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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