I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
