No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
