how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
