I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
