I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
