and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
