Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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