Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
