Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
