just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize