I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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