I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
