and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
