i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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