I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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